Boca Cerrada: Who's Keeping Score Anyway

October 21^st. Wednesday. Later, later.

I can’t keep my mouth shut to save my life.

“Me duelen las piernas from crossfit!”

                 “I’m starving.”

                              “They’re taking too long at the pharmacy.”

“I don’t have a headlight.”

           “Tengo sueño!”

This month my goal was to keep my mouth shut - boca cerrada - long enough to be able to notice joy and beauty around me.  Did I fail yesterday?  Yep!  I’m not perfect.  I’ll try again today.

I think the only time I kept my mouth shut yesterday was to watch the Compel Webinar on writing.  My husband gifted me a membership to this writing program and I’m thrilled about it.  Thank you for believing in me, my love!  I did pause the video every 3 minutes to summarize it for him.  It’s up to you if you’ll count the three minutes as boca cerrada. 

I didn’t get any writing done as a result.  Sometimes I will fail, but I have to be okay with that.  I have to be okay with trying again.  The best things have come from trying again.  My husband, my children, my writing, my faith. 

Haber que pasa hoy que es nuevo día.  Let’s see what happens today since it is a new day.

Have you set a goal and stumbled in the process?  You are not a failure.  Today is a new day!  Let’s try this again con la boca cerrada!

Sobriety.  My Family. I pray we don't stop trying.

The blessings of mended relationships and trying again. 

Boca Cerrada: The Joy In Waiting

October 19th. Monday. Late.

Ya te dije que no.  And I'm tired of repeating myself.

The answer is the same today as it was yesterday and last week and last month. Before you ask, I want to blurt out "no" when I see you because I know what you will ask.

No. I am not pregnant yet and each time you ask and offer a wealth of advice, it reminds me that I am failing my husband and my family.

"Oh, but you already have two kids," is the most hurtful phrase to surface from a mouth.  It wouldn't matter if I had one or four, the feeling remains the same.  My husband and I would like a child and I cannot carry one at this time.  There is much to learn in that.  To find joy in the midst of waiting is a quiet peace.

Therefore, I will allow my life to be the birth and rebirth of something extraordinary.  I will allow our new garden to surround me with abundant life as I watch our pinto beans and watermelon vines crawl up our front window.

I sit in quietude, a lesson in humility.  Where I take for granted that I am a woman capable of creating life inside me in the form of a child, I must notice that I create life in my home when I choose to love what I have been gifted.  I am surrounded with life to remind me that it comes in all forms.  God makes sure of that.

Tonight, with my boca cerrada, I sit on my porch, my legs crossed, my back against the writing dock (porch swing) and my eyes averted toward the heavens.  I see the moon staring back at me; it always shows up.  My perspective might be skewed by the clouds, but each and every night the moon shows up.  I take a deep breath and wait.

What are you waiting for and how do you find joy in the waiting con la boca cerrada?

Onlookers at moon observation night.  McAllister Park.
Carolina Hinojosa-Cisneros, 2015